Endless Sympathy

My patience and my sympathy only go so far. Marschall is sleeping on the top bunk these days. He hasn't fallen out when he sleeps, thankfully. However, last night, he fell down the ladder for the third time in the past week. He was trying to get down to go to the bathroom one more time before bed. I had had it! (That seems right when I say it aloud.)
I just finished telling him to be careful, so he wouldn't get hurt. I said "Remember, last night, when you fell down trying to get one last toy up to your bed?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he fell pretty hard down ladder.... again . All I could do in the opposite of my nice soft voice.... who am I kidding? Yelling, "Marschall, I just told you to be careful and that you could get hurt, ahhhh". I don't think he benefited from being told again that he could get hurt, the cries of scraping his back down the ladder seemed to overtake my lecture. I felt really bad later, checking on him after he had fallen asleep. He's just four. To me, it seems once they reach the age of being able to communicate, they should just anticipate danger, know consequences etc. Isn't that ridiculous? Motherhood is a journey. I have never learned so much about myself in trying to raise in my little ones. It seems, four years later, all I have learned is I still don't have patience and my sympathy is not endless. I have a mature friend(she has raised two boys) that said your children will bring you to the cross. At first, when she said that, it made me think of coming to the cross when my children are in their teenage years; wondering where they are and what they are doing. I am realizing lately, I cling to the grace of the cross because of the mistakes I make with my boys already and the changes I need to happen in me. Thankfully, God is the perfect parent for my children. Confessing that I am not, enables Him to work in me. That's all I want.... for Him to do is perfect work in me and boy, do I need Him to do so daily.

No one's Birthday

Sometimes, it good just to make a birthday cake to celebrate the taste of chocolate!

X mark

My baby (4 year old) got his first red X mark on a worksheet he brought home from preschool. I had two overwhelming thoughts that came over me when I was looking through his work. The first, "there must be a grading mistake by his teacher" and secondly, how insensitive to start correcting him, he will be devastated! Go figure, my boy did make those mistakes and there was a right answer to each question that he didn't do correctly. Was he devastated? No, to be honest, I don't think he still gets how he was suppose to answer the question correctly.
This should not be a big deal but I always have to try to make things to be a bigger deal :). What I mean is, this is where it begins... not just in school but future participation in sports and ultimately life.
I read something recently that our society is enabling kids to be "winners" in all situations. Don't single out the kid that actually won the race, in only rewarding him, the others will feel bad about themselves. Hand out a trophy to everybody! If we don't, it might lower the others' self esteem, etc. (I'm curious what it does to the actual winner, mentally.)
I have contemplated this article that I read since the dreadful X mark. I want Marschall to always feel good about himself and the work he strives in. I mean he tried real hard, shouldn't that count? I do believe it does, to some degree.
Clearly, in my own teen and adult life I faced and continue to face, a myriad of circumstances in which I was not the winner. Others have been singled out for something they did better than me. I believe that in itself has been a motivator for me, at times. If I continue to instill in Marschall that he is good at everything how will he know his true gifts? Obviously, I will encourage him in all that he does, how can I not? Secretly, I think he is good at everything! But sometimes our mistakes/inabilities help us for future obstacles. I want to prepare him for that even starting at the age of 4. Hopefully, the next time he brings home his worksheet he will have a check mark showing that he colored the pictures that match! If so, he will know that he has truly mastered matching concepts!

Where is the Mercy? (a post without much depth)

When I tell my dreams to Pete, sometimes they even don't make sense when told aloud. However, I need to document this one.
Last night, I had the most random dream. The short of the story..... some family who I did not know was walking around our neighborhood(but it wasn't our neighborhood... see what I mean, it's already starting not to make sense) anyway, they dropped off their two year old son and asked us to watch him. I said, "okay" and we ended up taking this child and our children to the mall. This child begins to have massive amounts of diarrhea, that I am having to clean up off the gross mall bathroom floor..... So in my real life, I am changing diapers and wiping bottoms and then in my dreams I am cleaning up huge amounts of excretion from a child I don't know..... Where is the Mercy? No rest for the weary......

And I have two boys that came from this man......

Garrett's 2nd Birthday, September 16th, 2007

When did the change occur?

So no pressure... I stopped blogging for over a year and am encouraged to start again from reading my friends' posts. But I will not feel "legalistically" bound to do this on a regular basis. (I would've made a good Pharisee.)

Onto my subject line.... How was I THE messiest person known to mankind growing up and through the years of being single and now .....I can not have a good day IF my kitchen floor is not clean. I am not exaggerating. My mood revolves around the cleanliest of my house. So you would think that my house is awesomely clean all the time...... not so much. So that leaves me in a funky place...a lot.
I was reading my friend's post and found a kindred spirit.
For me, a lot of my focus and time is in the home. To be honest, I try to keep everything looking good on the outside, while my cabinet draws are stuffed with junk, my closets are packed with all kinds of stuff and my laundry is piling over behind closed doors. It's has made me start thinking introspectively. What kinds of things do I try to cover up in my heart and mind and push aside? I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal my junk to me. It's not so fun but very relieving, in a sense. Admitting I cannot control and balance it all by myself. I am seeing pride, not a lot of compassion and a lot of self-seeking justice which ends up over riding mercy towards others. Yuck.
Yet, I don't feel condemned or the need to have a pity party. God's given me hope that he will continue to refine me by His grace. Lately, I have seen a change in my heart towards others. Hopefully, they may start to see in me, behind my heart's "closed drawers", nice clean closets and folded laundry.... so to speak.
So......once my heart is all cleaned up, how do I deal with the real laundry?

Whose says anything is finite?

Signing off….

There is a time and a season for everything. So I feel my days of blogging have come to an end. I’ve enjoyed it! I will always say to myself as my joy-filled homemaker days proceed, “This is something I should write about”! Thanks for reading and maybe I gave you a little new perspective of what a crazy day is really like, homemaker style.
I hope I never take any part of my life for granted, meaning my husband, children and home. No matter the circumstance or situation that arise in my life the character of God is good, I can trust Him completely. As a mom I find the following verses give great perspective about “this life” and what to focus my energy on and what to rest in … Ephesians 3:14-21. The last part says “to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. I want to be a mom that is passing on Truth to her boys and the Truth that will hopefully be passed on to our future generations.
I gotta run, nap time is almost over….

My heart will choose to say….

I have not written in while for a myriad of reasons; sick children, busy summer activities and some days just not feeling so "joy-filled".

The song below has been out for a while, yet I continue to find great encouragement from it. I have not found myself in the desert place very often in my life. It reminds me how blessed I am and thankful I should be. My mom and I were talking the other day that my life is good. I never want take to it for granted and the times I want to complain or get frustrated I need to remember my blessings from the Lord. When doubt creeps in or selfishness or jealousy or pride or I could go on and on…. I pray I can turn from it and trust the Lord’s goodness of who He says He is and who I am in Him.
The times that I will find myself in the wilderness, the dessert place, suffering and pain I pray that my faith will uphold me and my heart will choose to say “Blessed be the name of the Lord”.

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name

When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name

When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be your name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

The Power of Touch

I’ve been very frustrated lately. Marschall does not listen to me. This probably does not come as a surprise to anyone. What three-year old boy really listens? Usually, he is either playing or watching TV when I am trying to get his attention. I start out with something like this….”Marschall, come get your shoes on. Marschall…. please come here; please come sit on my lap to put your shoes on. One…Two…. Three”. Supposedly, when I get to three he gets a spanking. I hate just spanking him in order to get him to do what I want him to.
I tried something new today. I went over and put my hand on his leg, he looked at me... then I asked him to come over and put on his shoes. Get this… he came! The funny thing is, I heard this technique in relation to getting husbands to respond to their wives.

My, How Things Change…

I use to say that I wanted to be a stay at home mom with no kids. Yes, you read that right. I have never been into babysitting or children in general. I like children, don’t get me wrong. I’m just really not into playing games, etc. It all goes back to high school when I baby-sat for this family for a summer. They had three children, let’s just say, that were different. And that’s a nice way to put it. This will give you some idea of what I mean. They had a pool pass to our neighborhood pool for the whole summer. I got them out of the house 1 time to go to the pool. However, we did not make it to the pool that day or the rest of the summer. They didn’t want to walk so I called my friend to pick us up and drive us about a mile down the road to the pool. The youngest boy who was about 6 or 7 ran away from me screaming that he didn’t want to get in the car with strangers. As I am chasing him, I am yelling to him that if he didn’t want to walk this was our only option. Furthermore, she wasn’t a stranger she was my friend!
Trying to rationalize with him and praying that he would corporate, so I wouldn’t have to watch cartoons with them for the rest of the day. I chased him for a good 10 minutes trying to catch him. How a 6 year old ran faster than me? I’ll never know. I was spitting nails by the time I reached him.
Side note- I saw this boy about 3 years ago when he was about 18 and I still wanted to wail on his behind. That gives you some idea how bad it was. So with that insight, you can see why I really have never been into babysitting.
Flash-forward… I am baby-sitting today, haha. I am helping out a friend for a few days. But I have to tell you, it’s going well. I got all 3 children down for naps at the same time. So far, so good…I haven’t had to chase anyone around the neighborhood. Needless to say, Fourteen years later, I am very grateful that I am a stay at home mom WITH kids! And I will even baby-sit every now and again:)

Expectations

I often remember the look my mom would give me when I needed to straighten up in public. So, here I am years later, giving my son that same look. I took both the boys for their monthly/yearly check-up at the doctor’s office. Brave, I know. Pete met me there so I would have “back-up”. I thought, having the doctor check him out would mesmerize Marschall. He’s all about playing pretend doctor at home. However, the child lost his mind there in that tiny office. Marschall was jumping up and down and ripping the white paper off the table and laughing hysterically. I wanted to wail on his behind but I refrained for the moment. I didn’t want the doctor to think badly of me or have social services come to our house. So he got the look from you know where and a very firm talking to. Meanwhile, the doctor went on to ask him several questions about what he eats and who his friends are. Basically, he tells her he loves hotdogs and juice. (I’m thinking great, “Way to go! Let the doctor know what good balanced meals you eat”). Why couldn’t he share that he’s really starting to like broccoli or that he tried zucchini for the first time and didn’t spit it out? But no, my child says he eats hotdogs and drinks juice. It kept going downhill…Marschall goes on talking for a little bit and the doctor ends up looking at me for a translation. I take pride in usually knowing a lot of what Marschall says or is trying to say and at that moment all I could do is shrug my shoulders.
It’s funny the expectations you have in your head as a parent. You just want your child to live up to them for whatever reason. No, you know what? It isn’t for whatever reason, it’s I wanted to be justified in showing that my child listens to me and acts appropriately, especially in public.
Should I lower my expectations? Nah, I just can’t be disappointed when he decides to show his fun personality! Yeah, that’s what I’ll call it, personality!

What do to next?

This phrase is a constant mantra going on in my head. Whether I’m thinking what household chore I should do next or what life –impacting decision to make. I feel as though I make one decision and move right on to the next. I realize I probably miss out on a lot of personal growth and even better choices if I would have just prayed and waited.
Obviously, I am not talking about doing the next load of laundry. We were at a church meeting tonight that discussed opportunities for growing our facilities. One of the men on the church’s leadership team kept talking about reasons for pause, taking a step back. At first, I thought it to be kind of strange because our whole point of growing our facility is to help us with our current needs of space (which anyone who visits would ask “why would you feel the need to pause, can’t you see it NEEDS to be done?”). During the meeting, the answers were obvious why we should pause/re-evaluate. However, if we just pushed our way through and kept moving forward on the original vision, we could easily end up with enormous debt, amongst other detrimental factors. On top of that, I think they came up with a more economical and purposeful way of “growing” our church.
I am amazed at the ways I press on and trudge through different decisions in my own life. I feel as though if I am told no or something stops me, I will find a better way to make it happen. Our culture is “gotta have it now”. It’s almost like an adrenaline rush, to see what I can do to make it happen now and show the world that I can’t be stopped.
Then every so often, I am reminded of the verse that says, be still and wait. Doesn’t that sound restful and inviting? However, I have the hardest time of being still and waiting when making decisions. I’m afraid I am going to miss out or someone is going to “get what is mine”. Looking over past decisions, if I had waited and prayed, I can see how a better solution/option would have presented itself. I find it odd that I have a firm foundation in the Lord, yet I seem to be afraid, I will miss out if I can’t orchestrate things appropriately in a fast-like manner. I am trying to learn that I always don’t have to be figuring out what to do next. I can learn a lot with being still. On top of that, with waiting on the Lord, I can trust He will bring His best before me. I just need to pause and listen.

When Two Became One…

I had this feeling all weekend that I was forgetting something; I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had both the boys while Pete went white water rafting with the church men’s group. We all had a really good weekend. The boys were great. I think I kept my patience at a pretty good level. I even watched a good chick flick that I knew Pete would have no interest in. Pete had fun too; no injuries and he got thrown out of the raft twice, (which sounded like a positive thing when he told the story).
However, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that a part of me was missing. I think time apart is good. I thought I would be missing all the help that he gives, especially around bedtime. I got through the entire bedtime rituals just fine. I really did appreciate just having special moments with Marschall and Garrett by ourselves.
I realized, though, it was more of Pete’s company I missed, the late night of just being together. A lot times we just sit in the same room doing different things. I realize now, what I treasure, is his presence. It was funny, as soon as he walked in the door at 3:00pm today, I couldn’t wish any harder that it was time for the boys to go to bed.
I fear that time will take its’ toll. The kids will need our undivided attention with school needs, activities, etc. I hate to believe that someday they will go to bed later than we will. It’s a reality. I sure hope that we will always long for moments in just “being together” as time moves on and life gets in the way. Time apart is good; you know that old saying… it makes the heart grow fonderJ.

Drug Money

I am always looking for ways to save money. Let me clarify, looking for ways to save money on things I hate spending money on.
We work from a cash budget, meaning, we allot a certain amount of money every two weeks when Pete is paid and once that money is up, we are done with spending. (Sometimes, it doesn't work out that perfectly but it helps us keep on track and there are usually a few discussions every so often on why we need more money in each category) On the whole, it seems to works for us. I am usually the one who handles all the weekly budgeting and spending, so I am always trying to figure out where we can pull money from one category and spend more in another ~ (usually my hair color fund:), just kidding~
Pete recently found out that his monthly allergy prescription has gone up to $50.00 a month. That's a lot and that's not fun for either of us to spend money on. So I did some researching and calling our insurance to see what options there were. There really weren't any. Pete is miserable without this medicine. I did a google search to read up on allergies. I found this web-site, www.getcanadiandrugs.com. I know it seems a little weird. But I checked it out and they have a generic form of the same medicine that he uses. It seems pretty legit. Get this, a three-month supply for $30.00, including shipping! That's what I'm talking about!
We will see how it compares and works for him. Hopefully, there won't be any terrible side effects ~
Just thought I would pass along some money saving ideas. Some people share coupons; I tell you how you can access cheap foreign drugs.

“Rolling with the Punches”

I am not one who likes “Rolling with the Punches” or “Making Lemons out of Lemonade”. I have the philosophy of “Where there is a Will there is a Way”.

Today was a Marschall pre-school day. He goes two mornings a week and I have my routine down to a science. When it is all said and done, I have about 2.5 hours of real time to get something done, cleaned or bought with only one child in tow. I was out the door to take Marschall to school. Everyone was loaded up; Garrett’s diaper bag, Marschall’s school bag, my gym stuff, my purse, you get the idea). It takes some coordination to get out the door! Especially at 8:45 am. However,today, I was stopped in my tracks, literally.

Earlier this morning I had been looking everywhere for my keys and I finally found them in the ignition. Yea! I figured I had left them in the car since yesterday. I was thankful to find them and thankful that the car was not stolen either. Like I said I was stopped in my tracks so you see where this might be going… yeah, my battery was dead from leaving the keys in the car all night. Again,thankfully it was just dead and not stolen. I have had my car stolen before and to have it happen again would be one time too many.

Anyway, Pete had already left for the day to travel in the Raleigh area. My first thought, “oh gosh to be trapped at home all day with no transportation!” Then I became disgusted by the fact that it was my fault I left the keys in the car. Usually, I have someone else to blame, but not today. I get real frustrated when plans don’t go accordingly, (that’s a nice way of putting it). I will try to problem solve until I see there is no absolute way. I immediately thought of my gracious retired father-in-law. I thought, he always says he would be glad to help. I put him to the test! Thankfully, he came and jump-started the car. After he got it going I was only running about 30 minutes late. Marschall got to school and I got what I needed to get done.

I use to get real bent out of shape when circumstance would interrupt my daily plans. It's usually just the little, irritating stuff; like a dead battery. But after having children; I’m now surprised when things actually can work out when there is a bump in the road. Today was one of those days.... or I should say it was one of those mornings, who knows what the rest of the day will entail!

Marriage thoughts

Pete and I were able to go to a marriage conference at our church on Saturday. We try to go to something of this sort every year or so. It’s been a while since the kids have come into the picture. It was just during the day on Saturday. I always like going to this sort of thing and I would go as far to say as most wives do. You feel like your husband is going to “get a good talking to” so to speak. A good reminder of what wives need. I always find it nice that Pete tries out some of the advice that they give to the husbands after it is over.
There were several things I took from it that really hit home. It’s funny, this time I don’t remember too much of what the husbands were called to do. I feel like I got “called out” as a wife and it’s a good thing…. I think all too often I can get caught into the mindset that the husbands are where it’s lacking and it’s “their fault” that we (the wife) aren’t content/happy…

Here is a different definition of love that really made me think. The speaker related it to the love Jesus has for His children as well as a husband and wife.
“The complete (100%), never-ending (forever) desire of what is best for another without the regard to cost.” Can you imagine if every spouse really lived that out in his or her marriage? There would be no dead marriage much less one that doesn’t survive.

Do you know what men really want? I hadn't heard some of these insights the speaker shared. (Pete agreed too)
·Men want respect in public
·Affirmation (they are afraid of being exposed that they are not in enough just in life and for their mate)
·Home is the most important place to feel affirmed; sex is a part of that~
·Wanted sexually by their spouse (usually you think they just want you, but husbands want to be “wanted” by their wives.)
·Want romance, we wives need to find the good when our husbands try to be romantic and encourage them in the way they express it.
·A wife that takes care of herself (This sounds a little chauvinistic, however, I like when Pete tries to dress nice, exercise and look good for me.) He’s fun to show off, because he’s mine and I’m his! I want him to be proud of me too.

That’s all, nothing crazy, but it’s nice to grab a tid-bit here and a tid-bit there. These kinds of times really spur on good conversation for us. Marriages go through dry times and fruitful times. Some of the drier times last longer than I wish. However, when there are fruitful times, I appreciate them all the more. After reading back over this and having a really fruitful (yet hopefully not multiplying, ha ha) good weekend, it makes me want to wear my “I love Pete” t-shirt and show the world. :)

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

For about a week now Garrett has been getting up for about 2 hours in the middle of the night, crying/screaming. It was never this bad even when he was an infant. He’s been to the doctor twice in a week. I was pleading with the doctor to find something wrong, and in essence, give him something to make him better. Needless to say, he’s fine. I truly am grateful for that. However, I must be destined to have children that don’t sleep through the night. You know, it’s usually the first thing people ask you after you have a baby, “How are they sleeping”? After about the fourth month after Marschall was born, I began dreading that question from people. Still do, second child still doesn’t sleep through the night. I hear about friends who say after 6-10 weeks, their baby sleeps through the night. To make myself feel better (I say in my head) I think they are lying. I have done everything I feel I can do. Everyone says let them cry it out. I think the ones that say that have never heard a child scream for longer than an hour. It is pure torture, especially in the middle of the night. Pete and I always say before we go to bed, lets try and let him cry it out. Sure enough, 1:00am rolls around and I am trying to do anything I can to get Garrett to stop. Each monthly birthday that he has, I keep hoping that the sleeping will be better. Not too long ago, Pete and I were noticing that Marschall has stopped getting up in the middle of the night and he’s three. Oh gosh, that doesn’t seem to bring me much comfort. Oh well, this too shall pass, I suppose. On a positive note, I have been able to catch some of the late night shows that I use to watch in college. Cable run repeats of Leno and Conan from the 2:00-4:00 am hours. I am like my own TV guide channel, I can tell you what shows come on what time all through out the night.
Thankfully, I don't blog in the middle of the night or I would probably have to change my blog title to, "Take this job and shove it". HA,HA

He is Risen!

Easter weekend has been extra special these past few years for me. Today is Marschall’s Birthday; he was born on Good Friday 3 years ago. We had a really busy weekend, with two parties for Marschall on Saturday and then Easter Day festivities after church.
This past Easter was the first time we tried to tell Marschall what Easter is all about. He watched a children’s version of the Passion movie. Some parts had to be fast forwarded through; even the animated version was pretty violent for a 3 year old. I have these moments that I want to tell Marschall all about Jesus and what He did for him on the cross. We have shared about Jesus with him to some extent. I begin to wonder and think how is he going to understand it all. But then I am reminded that Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven”. I am amazed what Marschall can comprehend about a lot of different things. Why should I second-guess what the Lord can do in a little heart that He created? Faith like a child is how the Lord asks us to trust him.
I am amazed at the responsibility, as parents, we have to impart the Truth to our children. I read something in a book recently, “Children learn with ease what they are taught early, whether from TV violence and pornography, or from life-changing biblical information…” Violence and pornography are obvious things we won’t let Marschall be exposed to, but what about things that just distract him enough from the Truth of God? I am amazed that the two biggest Christian holidays that are celebrated have some other secular distraction associated with them. I won’t get into are you for or against the Easter bunny. However, Easter is a celebration of a life-changing event for those who accept who Jesus is. How does the Easter bunny and dyed Easter eggs relate to salvation? Things that make you hummm…..