Endless Sympathy

My patience and my sympathy only go so far. Marschall is sleeping on the top bunk these days. He hasn't fallen out when he sleeps, thankfully. However, last night, he fell down the ladder for the third time in the past week. He was trying to get down to go to the bathroom one more time before bed. I had had it! (That seems right when I say it aloud.)
I just finished telling him to be careful, so he wouldn't get hurt. I said "Remember, last night, when you fell down trying to get one last toy up to your bed?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he fell pretty hard down ladder.... again . All I could do in the opposite of my nice soft voice.... who am I kidding? Yelling, "Marschall, I just told you to be careful and that you could get hurt, ahhhh". I don't think he benefited from being told again that he could get hurt, the cries of scraping his back down the ladder seemed to overtake my lecture. I felt really bad later, checking on him after he had fallen asleep. He's just four. To me, it seems once they reach the age of being able to communicate, they should just anticipate danger, know consequences etc. Isn't that ridiculous? Motherhood is a journey. I have never learned so much about myself in trying to raise in my little ones. It seems, four years later, all I have learned is I still don't have patience and my sympathy is not endless. I have a mature friend(she has raised two boys) that said your children will bring you to the cross. At first, when she said that, it made me think of coming to the cross when my children are in their teenage years; wondering where they are and what they are doing. I am realizing lately, I cling to the grace of the cross because of the mistakes I make with my boys already and the changes I need to happen in me. Thankfully, God is the perfect parent for my children. Confessing that I am not, enables Him to work in me. That's all I want.... for Him to do is perfect work in me and boy, do I need Him to do so daily.

No one's Birthday

Sometimes, it good just to make a birthday cake to celebrate the taste of chocolate!

X mark

My baby (4 year old) got his first red X mark on a worksheet he brought home from preschool. I had two overwhelming thoughts that came over me when I was looking through his work. The first, "there must be a grading mistake by his teacher" and secondly, how insensitive to start correcting him, he will be devastated! Go figure, my boy did make those mistakes and there was a right answer to each question that he didn't do correctly. Was he devastated? No, to be honest, I don't think he still gets how he was suppose to answer the question correctly.
This should not be a big deal but I always have to try to make things to be a bigger deal :). What I mean is, this is where it begins... not just in school but future participation in sports and ultimately life.
I read something recently that our society is enabling kids to be "winners" in all situations. Don't single out the kid that actually won the race, in only rewarding him, the others will feel bad about themselves. Hand out a trophy to everybody! If we don't, it might lower the others' self esteem, etc. (I'm curious what it does to the actual winner, mentally.)
I have contemplated this article that I read since the dreadful X mark. I want Marschall to always feel good about himself and the work he strives in. I mean he tried real hard, shouldn't that count? I do believe it does, to some degree.
Clearly, in my own teen and adult life I faced and continue to face, a myriad of circumstances in which I was not the winner. Others have been singled out for something they did better than me. I believe that in itself has been a motivator for me, at times. If I continue to instill in Marschall that he is good at everything how will he know his true gifts? Obviously, I will encourage him in all that he does, how can I not? Secretly, I think he is good at everything! But sometimes our mistakes/inabilities help us for future obstacles. I want to prepare him for that even starting at the age of 4. Hopefully, the next time he brings home his worksheet he will have a check mark showing that he colored the pictures that match! If so, he will know that he has truly mastered matching concepts!

Where is the Mercy? (a post without much depth)

When I tell my dreams to Pete, sometimes they even don't make sense when told aloud. However, I need to document this one.
Last night, I had the most random dream. The short of the story..... some family who I did not know was walking around our neighborhood(but it wasn't our neighborhood... see what I mean, it's already starting not to make sense) anyway, they dropped off their two year old son and asked us to watch him. I said, "okay" and we ended up taking this child and our children to the mall. This child begins to have massive amounts of diarrhea, that I am having to clean up off the gross mall bathroom floor..... So in my real life, I am changing diapers and wiping bottoms and then in my dreams I am cleaning up huge amounts of excretion from a child I don't know..... Where is the Mercy? No rest for the weary......

And I have two boys that came from this man......

Garrett's 2nd Birthday, September 16th, 2007

When did the change occur?

So no pressure... I stopped blogging for over a year and am encouraged to start again from reading my friends' posts. But I will not feel "legalistically" bound to do this on a regular basis. (I would've made a good Pharisee.)

Onto my subject line.... How was I THE messiest person known to mankind growing up and through the years of being single and now .....I can not have a good day IF my kitchen floor is not clean. I am not exaggerating. My mood revolves around the cleanliest of my house. So you would think that my house is awesomely clean all the time...... not so much. So that leaves me in a funky place...a lot.
I was reading my friend's post and found a kindred spirit.
For me, a lot of my focus and time is in the home. To be honest, I try to keep everything looking good on the outside, while my cabinet draws are stuffed with junk, my closets are packed with all kinds of stuff and my laundry is piling over behind closed doors. It's has made me start thinking introspectively. What kinds of things do I try to cover up in my heart and mind and push aside? I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal my junk to me. It's not so fun but very relieving, in a sense. Admitting I cannot control and balance it all by myself. I am seeing pride, not a lot of compassion and a lot of self-seeking justice which ends up over riding mercy towards others. Yuck.
Yet, I don't feel condemned or the need to have a pity party. God's given me hope that he will continue to refine me by His grace. Lately, I have seen a change in my heart towards others. Hopefully, they may start to see in me, behind my heart's "closed drawers", nice clean closets and folded laundry.... so to speak.
So......once my heart is all cleaned up, how do I deal with the real laundry?