Friday, September 14, 2007

When did the change occur?

So no pressure... I stopped blogging for over a year and am encouraged to start again from reading my friends' posts. But I will not feel "legalistically" bound to do this on a regular basis. (I would've made a good Pharisee.)

Onto my subject line.... How was I THE messiest person known to mankind growing up and through the years of being single and now .....I can not have a good day IF my kitchen floor is not clean. I am not exaggerating. My mood revolves around the cleanliest of my house. So you would think that my house is awesomely clean all the time...... not so much. So that leaves me in a funky place...a lot.
I was reading my friend's post and found a kindred spirit.
For me, a lot of my focus and time is in the home. To be honest, I try to keep everything looking good on the outside, while my cabinet draws are stuffed with junk, my closets are packed with all kinds of stuff and my laundry is piling over behind closed doors. It's has made me start thinking introspectively. What kinds of things do I try to cover up in my heart and mind and push aside? I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal my junk to me. It's not so fun but very relieving, in a sense. Admitting I cannot control and balance it all by myself. I am seeing pride, not a lot of compassion and a lot of self-seeking justice which ends up over riding mercy towards others. Yuck.
Yet, I don't feel condemned or the need to have a pity party. God's given me hope that he will continue to refine me by His grace. Lately, I have seen a change in my heart towards others. Hopefully, they may start to see in me, behind my heart's "closed drawers", nice clean closets and folded laundry.... so to speak.
So......once my heart is all cleaned up, how do I deal with the real laundry?

4 comments:

Brian said...

Welcome back

Our life.... said...

YAH! you are back....I'm holding you to at least 4-5 blogs a week ;)

Melissa said...

i'm glad you started again, too. and likewise, i have had the exact feelings and thoughts towards my own house and heart. it's a constant struggle to lay down "my life" and realize that it's more important for me to connect with my Savior than to try to make everything look good. i just can't look too hard in the corners or i get depressed. =)

mari said...

I am new to this so I am not sure if I should post a comment for last week....Thank you for sharing your thoughts; I have enjoyed reading your later comments too--you crack me up!!I too have found myself in the place of examining my heart--often. There was a week (a few weeks ago) when I was confronted head-on with the truth in the scripture Matt.12:34 ...out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Well, I was convicted by the Spirit that my heart was not thinking kindly thoughts toward others:(. I was having to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ 2 Cor.10:5. Most thoughts that week that were going through my head were "poor me" thoughts and I needed to get right with the Lord on a minute by minute basis. I have truly been struggling with right thinking. I know right thinking produces right actions so I sooo need to continue cleaning out the dust in my heart.