Ready, Set, I'm gone


The clothes are set aside in order of days; nightime, Saturday, church

The clean sippies cups are laid out

The food has been bought

The diaper bag is full of any disaster that may occur

I'm on my way out........

My girl's beach weekend is about to start; shopping, sleeping, eating!! Who could ask for more??!

Resting under his leadership

There is no dancing around the subject of submission between wives to their husbands. God calls wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to dwell with them(their wives) with understanding, giving honor to the wife. (1 Peter 3:7) We rarely hear the later part of this verse used in our current culture.
Our culture does not promote the husband being the leader of the household. The very word "submit" in our culture gives the picture of not being heard, not being able to share in thought or to give advice within a marriage relationship. I don't believe this was God's idea for submission.
Marriage is a wonderful gift. It can be hard. I think the hard times bring you closer together for the next battle that comes.
With all this said.......I've had a hard week. We found out about some criminal activity we have had going on behind our neighborhood. My first inclination was we gotta move, flee, run and I'm done; meaning I don't want to even fight. These circumstances have brought up a lot of fear, dissatisfaction and has tainted my view of our back yard.
I am a doer, motivated, "get it done right now" type of person. I have a plan and I have a back up plan for my original plan, if this gives you any idea how I can be.
My husband is patient, slow to respond and thoughtful with his words and actions. Great combination for us, huh?!
First thing Pete said, we going to do was to trust God and His protection of us. I told him very honestly, "I can trust God; I am not sure I can trust you through this". I wasn't sure I could trust him with the decision of leading our family through these circumstances. It was out of my mouth before I realized it. At first, I wanted to apologize but then again, it was the honest truth. I have a hard time holding anything back verbally, especially with my husband and those closest around me. I know it hurt him to some degree. He asked to carry this burden with me and he would help me take it to the cross. He never said I must submit(our current cultural view of submitting) to listen to him or anything of that nature. He did honor me and say very clearly that he will lead us through this and that God has placed himself in our family to do so. He told me not to stop telling him my concerns, fears and even my own desires.
I was praying yesterday telling the Lord( I am even bossy with God sometimes) that I wanted Him to speak to my husband's heart. I wanted the Lord to tell Pete, to do what I wanted. After some prayer, I felt clearly that the Lord had already spoken to him.
I need to rest in my husband's leadership over our family. After all, who placed Pete in my life from the beginning? To finish off with the verse from 1 Peter 3:7, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. I am still not comfortable with my surroundings. This week, I am thankful I am in a place of surrendering this burden to the Lord. I feel like I am being honored through this time by my husband yet also being led by him. The Word promises by doing so my prayers will not be hindered. If I truly rely on God's care for me; I must trust the man that He placed in my life to care for me.

This makes me smile...



I'm not sure if it's because Pete is getting ready to drop me or if it's just knowing we like laughing together~

Ode to the Acorn

Ever since the beginning of this school year, Marschall recently got into a ritual of bringing home acorns from the playground. For the past two months our conversation would sound like much of the following....

Me "Marschall how was your morning?"
Marschall "I got a looooooot of acorns"
Me (sounding ever so proud) "Oh great, I can't wait to see how many!"

He would buckle up and we would be on our way home, (I love paying the preschool so he can pick up their playground). We would come in the house, he would race to his room and stock pile these acorns into another bag. For two months this has gone on. I thought, "this is so silly", but I pick my battles... who cares!
I work for four hours on Mondays and it seems everything in our life falls apart for us on Mondays. Pete calls me at work, he was watching Garrett for me while he worked from home. Our conversation went something this....

Pete "I've got to tell you something, I'm hesitant to tell you, but I know Marschall will. Well, (long drawn out pause), Garrett dumped all the acorns out of Marschall's bag and there were larva worms (70-80 maggots) that came out of this bag with the acorns on to Marschall bedroom floor. "

Me Silence ......(love all things about my boys except their love for insects)...I sit in a cubicle around 10 other people, trying to hold my composure. Thinking, I want to have his room scrubbed down... NOW.
Pete "I have vacuumed and then I vacuumed again."
Me "Then vacuum again"

I came home and found that the floor had been cleaned and all of the acorns out of his room. The vacuum bag emptied. I saw a glimpse of Marschall's insect house in the garage with acorns and about 10 of the maggots to keep for observation.

This is why we have dads.

My Grandmother's perspective

I had sent my Grandma Marschall an email that included The Good Wife’s Guide , 1955 Good Housekeeping article. I take her out once a week to go to lunch and run errands. This past Friday, I asked her if that article really articulated expectations of wives during the time she was raising her three children. She said, "absolutely yes". She also felt like that is how her mother's generation was expected to act also.
She goes on to say, "Some other advice we would hear back in the day was for wives to wrap themselves naked in cellophane (saran wrap) and greet their husbands at the door when they came home from work, to add a little spice". I really wasn't shocked she said this, because my grandma is hysterical, even when she isn't trying to be. What got me laughing, I had said I would get my grandmother's perspective. I did not ask her if she actually did the cellophane thing.... I'm not sure what magazine she was reading to get that advice!
I am now imagining a little bullet point in the mix of The Good Wife’s Guide , maybe right after their advice to...

• "Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it."
  

• "Wrap yourself naked in cellophane and greet your husband at the door "

Now... I think The Good Wife's article is complete!

Thanks for the laugh grandma!

The Good Wife???!!!!

Where do I begin? This was sent to me as a joke. But it is a documented, advice giving article from Good Housekeeping in the year of 1955 AD. I laughed, then my mouth dropped and then I thought I have got to pass this on. I was going to write what I thought was somewhat true of a "good wife" (which I personally dislike any term that rates our "goodness" by our actions) and then what I thought to be outlandish. I don't feel the need to explain/vouch for any of it. This is the time when my grandparents were raising kids. I need to further discuss this with my grandmother's and get their perspective.

PS. Now, remember even if he stays out all night, don't question him.
(I had to comment on that one.)

To Budget=

Anxiety, not being able to get what one does not have, constraining, creates fights, time consuming, need I go on........

We actually strive very hard, or at least we attempt, to stick with a budget. We were in a 3 hour workshop this morning. My neck muscles are still tense with the anxiety it created. When I hear Pete say, "we need to take a look at the budget", all I want to do is yell expletives! I don't even know why. When the word budget was defined today, I think I had an "aha" moment.
Someone stated the meaning of budgeting is controlling where you spend your money and you might (will) have to give up something in order to get something else. I don't like doing that. It seems so easy in this day and age to achieve getting everything you want with credit cards and no interest until 2050 etc.
We work with a cash envelope system; when the money runs out then we are done spending, until the next pay check. Personally, it keeps us accountable. We usually end up pulling out the debit card at the end of the pay period, but we know that it is only eating into our savings or the next paycheck.
I want to create good spending habits for our boys, too. Just the other day, Marschall was dying for this toy that costs $10.00. He rarely specifically asks for things. I am sure, it's only going to get worse as he gets older. I told him we didn't have any money to buy "that" toy right now. I felt like I needed to explain to him, we do have money, we are choosing not to spend it that way now. It was like I had diarrhea of the mouth, rambling on and on with a 4 year old the reasons of his parent's budget. Why did I feel the need for him to know? I think, because I don't want to have to deny him of anything, especially monetary things. I feel he needs to know he will always be taken care of. I am realizing, I need to instill in him that he will be taken care, just not always buying things he wants. Open ended.
He saw some money in my purse and said "See....you do have money". I said "that is for food". I should have simply said, "that is for food and we cannot eat your toy". I think, that would have made it click for him. Maybe he would have had his "aha" moment.
I made a deal with him, when Pete got paid again we would get the toy. I felt like he was looking forward to pay day as much as I was! Marschall was showing Pete his new red ninja turtle and he said "tomorrow Daddy we are going to go to the store and get the blue one". He hasn't quite gotten the concept of not getting everything he wants... If I was to be honest, I guess I haven't either...

"The Church"

We went to our friends' wedding renewal ceremony this past weekend. They have been married for 10 years. A lot has changed for them as a couple over these years. We have probably known them for 8 of the 10 years they have been married. I asked my friend, if they knew the Lord when they got married. She said we had a "God conscious" but said they had not really committed their lives to Christ until later in their marriage. I thought that was interesting, the Lord was working on both of them yet when they got married they did not have Christ at the center of their lives. Thankfully, He has taken them 180 degrees from where they were and brought them to Himself. I love to hear the testimonies of how people come to truly know Jesus as their Savior. This is what they have done. They know Him. In the ceremony the two of them testified as couple to His grace, His forgiveness, His redemption, His hope, His protection, His love for His bride and to Him that died for them. I witnessed two people that have fully committed their lives to the Lord, to drive a stake in the ground and testify what the Lord has done for them and in them. Christ is the center of their lives and their marriage.
What struck me the most were the 20 people surrounding them in a circle as the pastor spoke. Family and friends, each one of us knowing them in different ways, stood their to support them and witness a Holy moment. They specifically invited people that were intimately involved in their lives and their walk with Christ. It wasn't a Sunday message or Wednesday night program. We witnessed "The Church" in action.
We were the Bride of Christ getting a glimpse of why Jesus was sacrificed for us. He has redeemed us. He is not going to stop pursuing His Bride until ultimately we meet Him face to face. At some point, their ceremony became a picture of what my life is. Redeemed, fought for, bought with a price and for my freedom. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free....

Trying to Get with the Times

I have been wanting some type of digital (is it digital?) MP3 player of sorts. IPod, MP3.... I think IPod is a type of MP3. Anyway, I got a mini 1Gigabyte MP3. It can hold 250 songs, which I can't even imagine knowing 250 songs, so I think this will do just fine. I wanted to be able to see the songs on the little LCD screen. I have two "Playlists", one I named, "Worship the King" and the other, "Dance Funk". How funny are those opposites? There is a little part of me that loves to "break it down" when no one is looking. Ironically, I listen to the worship music when I work out. As I was running around the track I lifted my arms up to adjust my headset. Yes, I said headset. However, I don't have a headset. I am with the times now, I have ear buds that are too big for my ears. The last time I listened to music when I worked out was back in college with a headset and a mix tape. Totally 80's, yet I was living in the 90's.... I was dying laughing thinking how technology is changing right before my eyes. Our children probably won't remember cassette tapes, they will think of tapes as my generation thinks of 8 tracks.
My friend's husband was running around his block with a digital FM headset on his head. Some kid at a bustop yelled to him dumbfounded, "what do you have on your head"? So every so often my friends and I ask "are we getting old?", I believe, I can say, pretty adamantly... "yes". We have kids not even recognizing our older technology. Oh well, at least I don't remember when the first TV came out.

Where is the bathroom?

One of my main reasons to start blogging again were all the situations where I would say to myself, I need to write this down, I won't remember it. So, here I am, with another "gotta write this down moment". I am not a very sentimental person. I like re-living certain memories Pete and I have made; looking back at pictures, remembering trips etc. Now, I'm starting to want to remember specifics with our boys. Like Garrett, he will be labeled as our child who never slept through the night. I am praying that we can say, "Remember right after his 2nd Birthday, he did it"! He slept through the night on a consistent basis. So far, that's a no go. I peaked on him last night and he had his eyes opened and started screaming and crying....(I will not document how long it took for us to coerce to go back to sleep).
I feel purposeful in my blogging. As I did last time, I am going to print them out to remember these days of my life.
Oh yeah, what I wanted to remember.... Marschall wanted to know if heaven was going to have bathrooms and if we would have new skin ( he does not want wrinkly old skin). This said all in the same sentence. My response... "It will be something like that, I'm sure if we need a bathroom, there will be one and Yes, we will have new skin, or something like that." He seemed satisfied with my answer. That's the great thing about kids this age; they take what you say at face value and feel you have all the answers.

Endless Sympathy

My patience and my sympathy only go so far. Marschall is sleeping on the top bunk these days. He hasn't fallen out when he sleeps, thankfully. However, last night, he fell down the ladder for the third time in the past week. He was trying to get down to go to the bathroom one more time before bed. I had had it! (That seems right when I say it aloud.)
I just finished telling him to be careful, so he wouldn't get hurt. I said "Remember, last night, when you fell down trying to get one last toy up to your bed?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he fell pretty hard down ladder.... again . All I could do in the opposite of my nice soft voice.... who am I kidding? Yelling, "Marschall, I just told you to be careful and that you could get hurt, ahhhh". I don't think he benefited from being told again that he could get hurt, the cries of scraping his back down the ladder seemed to overtake my lecture. I felt really bad later, checking on him after he had fallen asleep. He's just four. To me, it seems once they reach the age of being able to communicate, they should just anticipate danger, know consequences etc. Isn't that ridiculous? Motherhood is a journey. I have never learned so much about myself in trying to raise in my little ones. It seems, four years later, all I have learned is I still don't have patience and my sympathy is not endless. I have a mature friend(she has raised two boys) that said your children will bring you to the cross. At first, when she said that, it made me think of coming to the cross when my children are in their teenage years; wondering where they are and what they are doing. I am realizing lately, I cling to the grace of the cross because of the mistakes I make with my boys already and the changes I need to happen in me. Thankfully, God is the perfect parent for my children. Confessing that I am not, enables Him to work in me. That's all I want.... for Him to do is perfect work in me and boy, do I need Him to do so daily.

No one's Birthday

Sometimes, it good just to make a birthday cake to celebrate the taste of chocolate!

X mark

My baby (4 year old) got his first red X mark on a worksheet he brought home from preschool. I had two overwhelming thoughts that came over me when I was looking through his work. The first, "there must be a grading mistake by his teacher" and secondly, how insensitive to start correcting him, he will be devastated! Go figure, my boy did make those mistakes and there was a right answer to each question that he didn't do correctly. Was he devastated? No, to be honest, I don't think he still gets how he was suppose to answer the question correctly.
This should not be a big deal but I always have to try to make things to be a bigger deal :). What I mean is, this is where it begins... not just in school but future participation in sports and ultimately life.
I read something recently that our society is enabling kids to be "winners" in all situations. Don't single out the kid that actually won the race, in only rewarding him, the others will feel bad about themselves. Hand out a trophy to everybody! If we don't, it might lower the others' self esteem, etc. (I'm curious what it does to the actual winner, mentally.)
I have contemplated this article that I read since the dreadful X mark. I want Marschall to always feel good about himself and the work he strives in. I mean he tried real hard, shouldn't that count? I do believe it does, to some degree.
Clearly, in my own teen and adult life I faced and continue to face, a myriad of circumstances in which I was not the winner. Others have been singled out for something they did better than me. I believe that in itself has been a motivator for me, at times. If I continue to instill in Marschall that he is good at everything how will he know his true gifts? Obviously, I will encourage him in all that he does, how can I not? Secretly, I think he is good at everything! But sometimes our mistakes/inabilities help us for future obstacles. I want to prepare him for that even starting at the age of 4. Hopefully, the next time he brings home his worksheet he will have a check mark showing that he colored the pictures that match! If so, he will know that he has truly mastered matching concepts!

Where is the Mercy? (a post without much depth)

When I tell my dreams to Pete, sometimes they even don't make sense when told aloud. However, I need to document this one.
Last night, I had the most random dream. The short of the story..... some family who I did not know was walking around our neighborhood(but it wasn't our neighborhood... see what I mean, it's already starting not to make sense) anyway, they dropped off their two year old son and asked us to watch him. I said, "okay" and we ended up taking this child and our children to the mall. This child begins to have massive amounts of diarrhea, that I am having to clean up off the gross mall bathroom floor..... So in my real life, I am changing diapers and wiping bottoms and then in my dreams I am cleaning up huge amounts of excretion from a child I don't know..... Where is the Mercy? No rest for the weary......

And I have two boys that came from this man......

Garrett's 2nd Birthday, September 16th, 2007

When did the change occur?

So no pressure... I stopped blogging for over a year and am encouraged to start again from reading my friends' posts. But I will not feel "legalistically" bound to do this on a regular basis. (I would've made a good Pharisee.)

Onto my subject line.... How was I THE messiest person known to mankind growing up and through the years of being single and now .....I can not have a good day IF my kitchen floor is not clean. I am not exaggerating. My mood revolves around the cleanliest of my house. So you would think that my house is awesomely clean all the time...... not so much. So that leaves me in a funky place...a lot.
I was reading my friend's post and found a kindred spirit.
For me, a lot of my focus and time is in the home. To be honest, I try to keep everything looking good on the outside, while my cabinet draws are stuffed with junk, my closets are packed with all kinds of stuff and my laundry is piling over behind closed doors. It's has made me start thinking introspectively. What kinds of things do I try to cover up in my heart and mind and push aside? I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal my junk to me. It's not so fun but very relieving, in a sense. Admitting I cannot control and balance it all by myself. I am seeing pride, not a lot of compassion and a lot of self-seeking justice which ends up over riding mercy towards others. Yuck.
Yet, I don't feel condemned or the need to have a pity party. God's given me hope that he will continue to refine me by His grace. Lately, I have seen a change in my heart towards others. Hopefully, they may start to see in me, behind my heart's "closed drawers", nice clean closets and folded laundry.... so to speak.
So......once my heart is all cleaned up, how do I deal with the real laundry?

Whose says anything is finite?

Signing off….

There is a time and a season for everything. So I feel my days of blogging have come to an end. I’ve enjoyed it! I will always say to myself as my joy-filled homemaker days proceed, “This is something I should write about”! Thanks for reading and maybe I gave you a little new perspective of what a crazy day is really like, homemaker style.
I hope I never take any part of my life for granted, meaning my husband, children and home. No matter the circumstance or situation that arise in my life the character of God is good, I can trust Him completely. As a mom I find the following verses give great perspective about “this life” and what to focus my energy on and what to rest in … Ephesians 3:14-21. The last part says “to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. I want to be a mom that is passing on Truth to her boys and the Truth that will hopefully be passed on to our future generations.
I gotta run, nap time is almost over….

My heart will choose to say….

I have not written in while for a myriad of reasons; sick children, busy summer activities and some days just not feeling so "joy-filled".

The song below has been out for a while, yet I continue to find great encouragement from it. I have not found myself in the desert place very often in my life. It reminds me how blessed I am and thankful I should be. My mom and I were talking the other day that my life is good. I never want take to it for granted and the times I want to complain or get frustrated I need to remember my blessings from the Lord. When doubt creeps in or selfishness or jealousy or pride or I could go on and on…. I pray I can turn from it and trust the Lord’s goodness of who He says He is and who I am in Him.
The times that I will find myself in the wilderness, the dessert place, suffering and pain I pray that my faith will uphold me and my heart will choose to say “Blessed be the name of the Lord”.

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name

When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name

When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be your name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name