Peek a boo shoes

I love peek a boo shoes. I actually have a cute pair I rarely get to wear. Pete and I went to a Christmas party last night. At the last minute, I decided to go for it and wear my cute little shoes (well, little is relative, since I wear a size 10). I find nothing more fun than getting ready for a nice evening. I love the long shower, being able to put my make-up on slowly, doing my nails etc. However, things got a little rushed as they always seem to do with kids running around..... I call it my winter pedicure. Don't let your eyes deceive you, I had no time to do the other toes, just enough time to paint the first two. At the time, I thought "how efficient, I got the job done, no one is the wiser". Today, as I look down and see my three little bare piggies... how sad, I need to have a reality check!

Peace be with me

I have been thinking a lot about peace and what that means in my life.
I get worked up too quickly, angry too quickly, frustrated too quickly, need I go on.....
I just finished reading Beth Moore's blog, she and her daughters blog together. Her oldest daughter recently gave great perspective on the desire for peace in her own life that I resonated with.
I personally, love simplicity. I don't like clutter. I don't like unresolved conflict. I like routine. I get anxious if we have too much going on in one week. I am the first to say no and the last to sign up. I try to control my peace and when the "unknown" circumvents my peace.... here comes my sins of many. I really am not trying to be cynical.
I have just been getting more frustrated over being frustrated in the first place. I tell Pete that I get on my own nerves sometimes! I'm not the most eloquent in explaining myself but you get the gist.
For the last few months or so I have been thinking about my lack of compassion for people in general and my anger in the little things that life arouses. However, my desire is to be content in all situations. I've realized as I been reading in the scripture that the peace of God is so easily talked about. It is usually said at the end of chapters in the New Testament. Now, I am not glossing over the words of peace so freely talked about. I yearn for it. My question is how do I find that peace? I am not able to muster it up.... And there is my problem, again trying to control my peace. I am unable to attain true peace by myself. I need God's peace, there is the true rest that I try to seek elsewhere in the routine of my days.
I'm not known for knowing a lot of scripture or where to find certain verses. But my goal since last week is to truly submerge my thoughts into the following verse..... Phil. 4:8 , this is Paul's writing.
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do and the God of peace will be with you". That's how I am going to attain peace.
I can't get all riled up in my Wal-mart excursions or angry that one of the kids spilled ice cream in the car right after I told him not to spill it, or that the kids knocked the whole 8 foot Christmas tree over or that.....I gotta stop before I go down the road I don't want to be on.
Whatever is lovely, noble, just, pure, praiseworthy... that is a pretty picture, huh?!

You can't lose your salvation but.....

If you could, I would lose mine in Wal-mart. First off, I am very thankful to have money to go grocery shopping, so please don't get me wrong.
However, I do not like being a slave to the big box grocery store. I cannot not go. (is that southern or just bad grammar?)I save money, they have everything I need in one store and it is less than 1 mile from my house.

Today, I was dreading going shopping like the plague. I worked this am, rushed to get our oil changed, Garrett needed a nap, so I had to get to the store before we went home. I have been watering down the apple juice not because of the sugar, but because I was running out, if this gives you any idea how desolate our fridge was becoming.

The kids were doing great. Toward the middle of our shopping trip, Marschall tells me he needs to go to the bathroom, he ALWAYS has to go to the bathroom in Wal-mart. I have no idea what brings it on, but his bowels were in full force (too much info?).
I decide to park my cart in one of the aisles and be right back. I could get to the bathroom faster if I just scooped up Garrett and ran with Marsch. We finally return to our cart about 10 minutes later......no cart..... no groceries....nothing. I feel my blood pressure start to boil. If you know Wal-mart, it can take 30 minutes to go through the check out line. These cashiers are not known for their speed. I'm wondering how did someone realize there was an empty cart sitting alone for a few minutes. I nicely ask a lady stocking the shelves, "have you seen a cart with groceries"? She said, "Yes, a lady just took it, there she is right now!" She begins to ask the other employee where my cart is. I'm actually relieved just thinking my cart is around the corner. But no, she had put 85% of my food back! I'm thinking, I would have really liked to seen how fast this women was because she needed to take the place of my cashier who took 20 minutes to check me out. I think some little Wal-mart ferries came and all went to work to put my food back!
I had strayed from my list as usual and couldn't exactly remember what I still needed. So who knows what my recipes will consist of this week.
Again, thankful for groceries not so much for the big box grocery stores. I may have to take a break and shop somewhere else for a while to get some perspective. Oh by the way, Marschall informed me the next time we are shopping we shouldn't leave our cart, we need to take to take it with us wherever we go. Ahhh good times.......

You can't make this stuff up.....

Marschall has been curious about family dynamics; whose mother is also grandmother to someone else, etc. He gets a kick out of it if he sees Pete and I kiss, and knows he is my husband and I'm his wife. We had a brief conversation about it at the dinner table the other night......

Me "Marschall do you want to have a wife someday"?

Marschall "Yes , but I want to live with you guys still."

Me "What will your wife look like?" (thinking he's going to describe a friend of his)

Marschall "She will have skin like you, green eyes like you, straight hair like you, earrings like you....(pause).... she will be a mommy robot."

I took that as the best compliment ever :)!

And so it begins.....

We did something super spontaneous on Saturday. We were planning to get our Christmas tree at a nearby tree lot on Saturday. We've gone to this lot before, they have hayrides for the kids etc. It was almost lunch time. Pete was coming back from playing ball and I had come home from the gym with the boys. I called him and said "how about going to Boone to get our tree today"? It was time for Garrett's nap and I knew my other narcoleptic son would fall asleep in the car too. All I could think of was a nice quiet ride with Pete and to see my ole stomping grounds again.
We had a lot of fun. As we rolled back into our driveway that evening, Pete said " That was fun, I don't know if I would want to do that every year but it was fun". What he should have said was, "what were we thinking taking a 4 year old and a 2 year old up a mountain to cut down a tree!" But it will be a fond memory!

I'm Back.....

I don't have any pictures......I don't even take pictures of my children very often, it's terrible I know. If I did scrap booking, I would have to have some pretty darn good looking stickers, because there would just be a lack of pictures on my part.
My trip was wonderful, so relaxing. I went with my best friend from college, one of my bridesmaids in my wedding and another friend from the camp I worked at back in college. (Basically, my best friend introduced me to the other girls back in college.)It was great to be around people you don't have to worry about what to say or not say. I can say things around these girls and they just roll their eyes and say, "only Meredith would say that" and I am more than okay with that!
We had a huge pasta dinner at the beach condo on Friday night, drank some wine, laughed and caught up a million miles a second. Saturday is our big day of shopping at the outlets. I got at least half of my Christmas shopping done. Saturday night we went to Bonefish Grill. We told the waitress ahead of time that we did not want to be rushed. Between 4 of us girls we have 10 children. A nice quiet meal was all we wanted. We probably stayed there for over 2 hours!
Sunday we slept in until about 7:30, that's all we could do, ridiculous I know! We headed back to our appropriate cities after lunch. It was so great, I keep thanking Pete. I came home to a house that was still standing, boys that ran to me and to a husband that looked more than grateful!

Ready, Set, I'm gone


The clothes are set aside in order of days; nightime, Saturday, church

The clean sippies cups are laid out

The food has been bought

The diaper bag is full of any disaster that may occur

I'm on my way out........

My girl's beach weekend is about to start; shopping, sleeping, eating!! Who could ask for more??!

Resting under his leadership

There is no dancing around the subject of submission between wives to their husbands. God calls wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to dwell with them(their wives) with understanding, giving honor to the wife. (1 Peter 3:7) We rarely hear the later part of this verse used in our current culture.
Our culture does not promote the husband being the leader of the household. The very word "submit" in our culture gives the picture of not being heard, not being able to share in thought or to give advice within a marriage relationship. I don't believe this was God's idea for submission.
Marriage is a wonderful gift. It can be hard. I think the hard times bring you closer together for the next battle that comes.
With all this said.......I've had a hard week. We found out about some criminal activity we have had going on behind our neighborhood. My first inclination was we gotta move, flee, run and I'm done; meaning I don't want to even fight. These circumstances have brought up a lot of fear, dissatisfaction and has tainted my view of our back yard.
I am a doer, motivated, "get it done right now" type of person. I have a plan and I have a back up plan for my original plan, if this gives you any idea how I can be.
My husband is patient, slow to respond and thoughtful with his words and actions. Great combination for us, huh?!
First thing Pete said, we going to do was to trust God and His protection of us. I told him very honestly, "I can trust God; I am not sure I can trust you through this". I wasn't sure I could trust him with the decision of leading our family through these circumstances. It was out of my mouth before I realized it. At first, I wanted to apologize but then again, it was the honest truth. I have a hard time holding anything back verbally, especially with my husband and those closest around me. I know it hurt him to some degree. He asked to carry this burden with me and he would help me take it to the cross. He never said I must submit(our current cultural view of submitting) to listen to him or anything of that nature. He did honor me and say very clearly that he will lead us through this and that God has placed himself in our family to do so. He told me not to stop telling him my concerns, fears and even my own desires.
I was praying yesterday telling the Lord( I am even bossy with God sometimes) that I wanted Him to speak to my husband's heart. I wanted the Lord to tell Pete, to do what I wanted. After some prayer, I felt clearly that the Lord had already spoken to him.
I need to rest in my husband's leadership over our family. After all, who placed Pete in my life from the beginning? To finish off with the verse from 1 Peter 3:7, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. I am still not comfortable with my surroundings. This week, I am thankful I am in a place of surrendering this burden to the Lord. I feel like I am being honored through this time by my husband yet also being led by him. The Word promises by doing so my prayers will not be hindered. If I truly rely on God's care for me; I must trust the man that He placed in my life to care for me.

This makes me smile...



I'm not sure if it's because Pete is getting ready to drop me or if it's just knowing we like laughing together~

Ode to the Acorn

Ever since the beginning of this school year, Marschall recently got into a ritual of bringing home acorns from the playground. For the past two months our conversation would sound like much of the following....

Me "Marschall how was your morning?"
Marschall "I got a looooooot of acorns"
Me (sounding ever so proud) "Oh great, I can't wait to see how many!"

He would buckle up and we would be on our way home, (I love paying the preschool so he can pick up their playground). We would come in the house, he would race to his room and stock pile these acorns into another bag. For two months this has gone on. I thought, "this is so silly", but I pick my battles... who cares!
I work for four hours on Mondays and it seems everything in our life falls apart for us on Mondays. Pete calls me at work, he was watching Garrett for me while he worked from home. Our conversation went something this....

Pete "I've got to tell you something, I'm hesitant to tell you, but I know Marschall will. Well, (long drawn out pause), Garrett dumped all the acorns out of Marschall's bag and there were larva worms (70-80 maggots) that came out of this bag with the acorns on to Marschall bedroom floor. "

Me Silence ......(love all things about my boys except their love for insects)...I sit in a cubicle around 10 other people, trying to hold my composure. Thinking, I want to have his room scrubbed down... NOW.
Pete "I have vacuumed and then I vacuumed again."
Me "Then vacuum again"

I came home and found that the floor had been cleaned and all of the acorns out of his room. The vacuum bag emptied. I saw a glimpse of Marschall's insect house in the garage with acorns and about 10 of the maggots to keep for observation.

This is why we have dads.

My Grandmother's perspective

I had sent my Grandma Marschall an email that included The Good Wife’s Guide , 1955 Good Housekeeping article. I take her out once a week to go to lunch and run errands. This past Friday, I asked her if that article really articulated expectations of wives during the time she was raising her three children. She said, "absolutely yes". She also felt like that is how her mother's generation was expected to act also.
She goes on to say, "Some other advice we would hear back in the day was for wives to wrap themselves naked in cellophane (saran wrap) and greet their husbands at the door when they came home from work, to add a little spice". I really wasn't shocked she said this, because my grandma is hysterical, even when she isn't trying to be. What got me laughing, I had said I would get my grandmother's perspective. I did not ask her if she actually did the cellophane thing.... I'm not sure what magazine she was reading to get that advice!
I am now imagining a little bullet point in the mix of The Good Wife’s Guide , maybe right after their advice to...

• "Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it."
  

• "Wrap yourself naked in cellophane and greet your husband at the door "

Now... I think The Good Wife's article is complete!

Thanks for the laugh grandma!

The Good Wife???!!!!

Where do I begin? This was sent to me as a joke. But it is a documented, advice giving article from Good Housekeeping in the year of 1955 AD. I laughed, then my mouth dropped and then I thought I have got to pass this on. I was going to write what I thought was somewhat true of a "good wife" (which I personally dislike any term that rates our "goodness" by our actions) and then what I thought to be outlandish. I don't feel the need to explain/vouch for any of it. This is the time when my grandparents were raising kids. I need to further discuss this with my grandmother's and get their perspective.

PS. Now, remember even if he stays out all night, don't question him.
(I had to comment on that one.)

To Budget=

Anxiety, not being able to get what one does not have, constraining, creates fights, time consuming, need I go on........

We actually strive very hard, or at least we attempt, to stick with a budget. We were in a 3 hour workshop this morning. My neck muscles are still tense with the anxiety it created. When I hear Pete say, "we need to take a look at the budget", all I want to do is yell expletives! I don't even know why. When the word budget was defined today, I think I had an "aha" moment.
Someone stated the meaning of budgeting is controlling where you spend your money and you might (will) have to give up something in order to get something else. I don't like doing that. It seems so easy in this day and age to achieve getting everything you want with credit cards and no interest until 2050 etc.
We work with a cash envelope system; when the money runs out then we are done spending, until the next pay check. Personally, it keeps us accountable. We usually end up pulling out the debit card at the end of the pay period, but we know that it is only eating into our savings or the next paycheck.
I want to create good spending habits for our boys, too. Just the other day, Marschall was dying for this toy that costs $10.00. He rarely specifically asks for things. I am sure, it's only going to get worse as he gets older. I told him we didn't have any money to buy "that" toy right now. I felt like I needed to explain to him, we do have money, we are choosing not to spend it that way now. It was like I had diarrhea of the mouth, rambling on and on with a 4 year old the reasons of his parent's budget. Why did I feel the need for him to know? I think, because I don't want to have to deny him of anything, especially monetary things. I feel he needs to know he will always be taken care of. I am realizing, I need to instill in him that he will be taken care, just not always buying things he wants. Open ended.
He saw some money in my purse and said "See....you do have money". I said "that is for food". I should have simply said, "that is for food and we cannot eat your toy". I think, that would have made it click for him. Maybe he would have had his "aha" moment.
I made a deal with him, when Pete got paid again we would get the toy. I felt like he was looking forward to pay day as much as I was! Marschall was showing Pete his new red ninja turtle and he said "tomorrow Daddy we are going to go to the store and get the blue one". He hasn't quite gotten the concept of not getting everything he wants... If I was to be honest, I guess I haven't either...

"The Church"

We went to our friends' wedding renewal ceremony this past weekend. They have been married for 10 years. A lot has changed for them as a couple over these years. We have probably known them for 8 of the 10 years they have been married. I asked my friend, if they knew the Lord when they got married. She said we had a "God conscious" but said they had not really committed their lives to Christ until later in their marriage. I thought that was interesting, the Lord was working on both of them yet when they got married they did not have Christ at the center of their lives. Thankfully, He has taken them 180 degrees from where they were and brought them to Himself. I love to hear the testimonies of how people come to truly know Jesus as their Savior. This is what they have done. They know Him. In the ceremony the two of them testified as couple to His grace, His forgiveness, His redemption, His hope, His protection, His love for His bride and to Him that died for them. I witnessed two people that have fully committed their lives to the Lord, to drive a stake in the ground and testify what the Lord has done for them and in them. Christ is the center of their lives and their marriage.
What struck me the most were the 20 people surrounding them in a circle as the pastor spoke. Family and friends, each one of us knowing them in different ways, stood their to support them and witness a Holy moment. They specifically invited people that were intimately involved in their lives and their walk with Christ. It wasn't a Sunday message or Wednesday night program. We witnessed "The Church" in action.
We were the Bride of Christ getting a glimpse of why Jesus was sacrificed for us. He has redeemed us. He is not going to stop pursuing His Bride until ultimately we meet Him face to face. At some point, their ceremony became a picture of what my life is. Redeemed, fought for, bought with a price and for my freedom. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free....

Trying to Get with the Times

I have been wanting some type of digital (is it digital?) MP3 player of sorts. IPod, MP3.... I think IPod is a type of MP3. Anyway, I got a mini 1Gigabyte MP3. It can hold 250 songs, which I can't even imagine knowing 250 songs, so I think this will do just fine. I wanted to be able to see the songs on the little LCD screen. I have two "Playlists", one I named, "Worship the King" and the other, "Dance Funk". How funny are those opposites? There is a little part of me that loves to "break it down" when no one is looking. Ironically, I listen to the worship music when I work out. As I was running around the track I lifted my arms up to adjust my headset. Yes, I said headset. However, I don't have a headset. I am with the times now, I have ear buds that are too big for my ears. The last time I listened to music when I worked out was back in college with a headset and a mix tape. Totally 80's, yet I was living in the 90's.... I was dying laughing thinking how technology is changing right before my eyes. Our children probably won't remember cassette tapes, they will think of tapes as my generation thinks of 8 tracks.
My friend's husband was running around his block with a digital FM headset on his head. Some kid at a bustop yelled to him dumbfounded, "what do you have on your head"? So every so often my friends and I ask "are we getting old?", I believe, I can say, pretty adamantly... "yes". We have kids not even recognizing our older technology. Oh well, at least I don't remember when the first TV came out.

Where is the bathroom?

One of my main reasons to start blogging again were all the situations where I would say to myself, I need to write this down, I won't remember it. So, here I am, with another "gotta write this down moment". I am not a very sentimental person. I like re-living certain memories Pete and I have made; looking back at pictures, remembering trips etc. Now, I'm starting to want to remember specifics with our boys. Like Garrett, he will be labeled as our child who never slept through the night. I am praying that we can say, "Remember right after his 2nd Birthday, he did it"! He slept through the night on a consistent basis. So far, that's a no go. I peaked on him last night and he had his eyes opened and started screaming and crying....(I will not document how long it took for us to coerce to go back to sleep).
I feel purposeful in my blogging. As I did last time, I am going to print them out to remember these days of my life.
Oh yeah, what I wanted to remember.... Marschall wanted to know if heaven was going to have bathrooms and if we would have new skin ( he does not want wrinkly old skin). This said all in the same sentence. My response... "It will be something like that, I'm sure if we need a bathroom, there will be one and Yes, we will have new skin, or something like that." He seemed satisfied with my answer. That's the great thing about kids this age; they take what you say at face value and feel you have all the answers.

Endless Sympathy

My patience and my sympathy only go so far. Marschall is sleeping on the top bunk these days. He hasn't fallen out when he sleeps, thankfully. However, last night, he fell down the ladder for the third time in the past week. He was trying to get down to go to the bathroom one more time before bed. I had had it! (That seems right when I say it aloud.)
I just finished telling him to be careful, so he wouldn't get hurt. I said "Remember, last night, when you fell down trying to get one last toy up to your bed?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he fell pretty hard down ladder.... again . All I could do in the opposite of my nice soft voice.... who am I kidding? Yelling, "Marschall, I just told you to be careful and that you could get hurt, ahhhh". I don't think he benefited from being told again that he could get hurt, the cries of scraping his back down the ladder seemed to overtake my lecture. I felt really bad later, checking on him after he had fallen asleep. He's just four. To me, it seems once they reach the age of being able to communicate, they should just anticipate danger, know consequences etc. Isn't that ridiculous? Motherhood is a journey. I have never learned so much about myself in trying to raise in my little ones. It seems, four years later, all I have learned is I still don't have patience and my sympathy is not endless. I have a mature friend(she has raised two boys) that said your children will bring you to the cross. At first, when she said that, it made me think of coming to the cross when my children are in their teenage years; wondering where they are and what they are doing. I am realizing lately, I cling to the grace of the cross because of the mistakes I make with my boys already and the changes I need to happen in me. Thankfully, God is the perfect parent for my children. Confessing that I am not, enables Him to work in me. That's all I want.... for Him to do is perfect work in me and boy, do I need Him to do so daily.

No one's Birthday

Sometimes, it good just to make a birthday cake to celebrate the taste of chocolate!

X mark

My baby (4 year old) got his first red X mark on a worksheet he brought home from preschool. I had two overwhelming thoughts that came over me when I was looking through his work. The first, "there must be a grading mistake by his teacher" and secondly, how insensitive to start correcting him, he will be devastated! Go figure, my boy did make those mistakes and there was a right answer to each question that he didn't do correctly. Was he devastated? No, to be honest, I don't think he still gets how he was suppose to answer the question correctly.
This should not be a big deal but I always have to try to make things to be a bigger deal :). What I mean is, this is where it begins... not just in school but future participation in sports and ultimately life.
I read something recently that our society is enabling kids to be "winners" in all situations. Don't single out the kid that actually won the race, in only rewarding him, the others will feel bad about themselves. Hand out a trophy to everybody! If we don't, it might lower the others' self esteem, etc. (I'm curious what it does to the actual winner, mentally.)
I have contemplated this article that I read since the dreadful X mark. I want Marschall to always feel good about himself and the work he strives in. I mean he tried real hard, shouldn't that count? I do believe it does, to some degree.
Clearly, in my own teen and adult life I faced and continue to face, a myriad of circumstances in which I was not the winner. Others have been singled out for something they did better than me. I believe that in itself has been a motivator for me, at times. If I continue to instill in Marschall that he is good at everything how will he know his true gifts? Obviously, I will encourage him in all that he does, how can I not? Secretly, I think he is good at everything! But sometimes our mistakes/inabilities help us for future obstacles. I want to prepare him for that even starting at the age of 4. Hopefully, the next time he brings home his worksheet he will have a check mark showing that he colored the pictures that match! If so, he will know that he has truly mastered matching concepts!

Where is the Mercy? (a post without much depth)

When I tell my dreams to Pete, sometimes they even don't make sense when told aloud. However, I need to document this one.
Last night, I had the most random dream. The short of the story..... some family who I did not know was walking around our neighborhood(but it wasn't our neighborhood... see what I mean, it's already starting not to make sense) anyway, they dropped off their two year old son and asked us to watch him. I said, "okay" and we ended up taking this child and our children to the mall. This child begins to have massive amounts of diarrhea, that I am having to clean up off the gross mall bathroom floor..... So in my real life, I am changing diapers and wiping bottoms and then in my dreams I am cleaning up huge amounts of excretion from a child I don't know..... Where is the Mercy? No rest for the weary......

And I have two boys that came from this man......

Garrett's 2nd Birthday, September 16th, 2007

When did the change occur?

So no pressure... I stopped blogging for over a year and am encouraged to start again from reading my friends' posts. But I will not feel "legalistically" bound to do this on a regular basis. (I would've made a good Pharisee.)

Onto my subject line.... How was I THE messiest person known to mankind growing up and through the years of being single and now .....I can not have a good day IF my kitchen floor is not clean. I am not exaggerating. My mood revolves around the cleanliest of my house. So you would think that my house is awesomely clean all the time...... not so much. So that leaves me in a funky place...a lot.
I was reading my friend's post and found a kindred spirit.
For me, a lot of my focus and time is in the home. To be honest, I try to keep everything looking good on the outside, while my cabinet draws are stuffed with junk, my closets are packed with all kinds of stuff and my laundry is piling over behind closed doors. It's has made me start thinking introspectively. What kinds of things do I try to cover up in my heart and mind and push aside? I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal my junk to me. It's not so fun but very relieving, in a sense. Admitting I cannot control and balance it all by myself. I am seeing pride, not a lot of compassion and a lot of self-seeking justice which ends up over riding mercy towards others. Yuck.
Yet, I don't feel condemned or the need to have a pity party. God's given me hope that he will continue to refine me by His grace. Lately, I have seen a change in my heart towards others. Hopefully, they may start to see in me, behind my heart's "closed drawers", nice clean closets and folded laundry.... so to speak.
So......once my heart is all cleaned up, how do I deal with the real laundry?

Whose says anything is finite?