ÜberJoy

No Day Like the Present....

I remember my first date with Pete like it was yesterday. Except now as I think back about it, we are not the same Pete and Meredith who sat in deep conversation on the sofa at Richie's. (Richie's was a restaurant/bar that use to be hip and is now no more.) I am sure most people would say the same thing about their own couple history. Marriage changes people over the years, hopefully for the better, but either way the wife becomes more like her husband and vis versa. The change can mean views on politics, raising children, food etc. Obviously, there are issues where couples will butt (?) heads till the day they die. But overall, living with someone, making decisions; you give and take and become more like the other.
I think the hardest thing though is when I see something in Pete that I wish I was more like and for some reason I can't just "change" in me.
When we were on that sofa back in 1999 and no we weren't partying like it was 1999, just talking. Background history, we were set up on a blind date, so basically we knew nothing about each other. So as we sat there talking, there was no gaps in conversation. I was basically telling him how I struggle with knowing what I am suppose to be doing in my life. At that time, some big things I was hoping to get involved in did not work out and kind of messed up my plan for the next year or so. As I look back I was basically throwing up all my junk on this innocent soul. He listened patiently and basically just said "you know the Lord says not to worry about tomorrow, set your eyes on just today". I thought well how pious of him to throw in an actual bible verse. I knew that verse, everyone knows that verse. Big deal. Well 9 years later, I am still not getting it. I am always future thinking, planning, anxiety ridden. I wish I had more of Pete's lack of care about next week or next year. It's not that he doesn't care, he knows/ believes he really can't plan for the unexpected.
Here is how my mind can race in a matter of minutes.... For instance, "we don't live in a good school district, we must think about moving, if we don't move our children will be exposed to all sorts of bad things, if that happens then they may grow up to be drug dealers and never know the Lord. Seriously.... how can I think that all of that is up to me to work out? Pete now tries to say it in different ways to me. "You can't take that all on yourself or we can make all these changes and other junk may happen that you can't prevent". I do get "it" in glimpses. But I want to live "it". I want to just think about today and the gift in just today. It is ironic to me how the Lord works in marriage. Marriage can be messy and irritating. With me, it is usually trying to plan our lives out till we are retired ( We just had an appointment, that I scheduled, to see how on track we are with our retirement).
Usually in the mess, the Lord is trying to get my attention that my spouse can sure show me the things in my own life where the Lord wants me to grow and ultimately change to be more like Him. (Jesus not Pete).
We are two extremes that bring balance to our family. Getting that balance is when we let God work it out and not ourselves. So today is what it is. I will not worry about tomorrow nor about if my boys will go to the right school and not be drug dealers. I know my God is bigger than all my worries and fears, but I have a feeling I don't live that out in my day to day life.